Anne,
It cannot have been easy not being diagnosed for so long. You must have felt so lonely and confused. It sounds like you understand yourself a lot better now. I think you're very clear-minded about your feelings on the subject. About how the confusion can lead to distress and depression. I also think it's sad how narrow-minded neural-typical people can be - that's what Nathan calls people without autism - it's as if they feel that their way is the only way and anything else is weird. My son has totally opened my mind to so many perspectives. You totally makes sense and I'll bet as you get older you'll find amazing ways of coping.
Thinking of you and hoping you and your buns and budgies are well...
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Carol